Bible Tories* With Hannah

Today parenting did not go as planned. What felt like an epiphany earlier in the day felt like a cruel and painful reality this evening. The moral of the story: though there are many, many moments from this evening that I would like to take back, there is a peace over me now that tomorrow is another day and another chance. As a wonderful friend has suggested, I am listing the things in my head that God helped me to do right today. I am praying for forgiveness for the things I did wrong and asking that He helps me not to do them again. I really talked with my children tonight. Some of it was far over their heads, but they heard what matters. They know I love them and that I'm sorry.

Earlier this evening I was able to videotape Hannah while "reading her Bible". It is actually a Berlitz French/English Dictionary and she has been doing this for several weeks now. At first I could only eavesdrop as she read to her babies and dolls. Any time I gave any indication that I was listening, she threw a fit and told me to "TOP MILING AT ME!" (*She does not pronounce the letter "S" before another consonant in any word unless we make her say "SSSSSSSSSSSSSS" "TOP" and it sounds just like that...) But eventually she started to read the books to me. She loves those little dictionaries and I find her carrying around the French and German Berlitz books in her little bags and bringing them to me so she could read them more and more. She was not really very cooperative about being taped and I made her very self conscious. She normally does not look to me after every sentence for reassurance. She goes on and on telling stories of Dorcas, Peter, "Averyham", Jesus, Paul or Saul and often others. She is surprisingly accurate at times (especially right after Sunday School) and other times she puts all of the stories together. Today is the first time she has included Superman and "Piderman", but the last time she told me the story of Dorcas there was a "Bibbity Bobbity Boo" mixed in there.

It is hard to hear her and probably understand her if you don't live with her, but I have really been wanting to capture this. This is the part of her being 3 that I love. There is the sweet innocence in the way she talks and the way she smiles. I need these moments to help me forget the battles we go through sometimes ALL day long. The part where she was thinking about whining, saying she didn't want to be videotaped and then all of a sudden her whole demeanor changed and she was happy and telling the story again... That is the part where I go crazy. The part where I think what is she doing? She was just fine a second ago, what happened? Then I think about where she gets it. Unfortunately for me, that doesn't help. The fact that we are so much a like is not at all helpful at this point in our lives. As another friend has said, "This is a season". I don't want to wish away this season or to look back wishing I had done everything differently so I am praying that I can embrace this season and this little girl at 3 years old. She is such a joy in our lives. She is amazing. I really do see that. Here is just a little glimpse of just how special she is. I realized watching it back just now that I adore it more than I realized while she was actually reading and I was trying to discretely record her. I adore her.