Culture Club

We've been living here for two years and four months. We have come so far in so many ways in getting adjusted to life here, but no, we are not completely comfortable and at home here. As my friend's pediatrician told her (and I have probably quoted before on the blog), at the ages of our children when we arrived, "the family is the culture". That along with our kids going to an International school keeps our children (and us) living in a little bubble which both complicates things and makes life easier at times.

As the kids get older, they are more aware of things we say regarding local culture and the differences. When we are frustrated or exasperated about certain parts of life here, it is easy to blame the entire country and we try really hard not to say certain things in front of the kids or if we do let it slip, we later try to explain that we were frustrated and that we shouldn't have said them. (We do that a lot just in general...we all need grace, right?)

Nathan is the most aware of the way we try to live here. We try to be the best foreigners we can and don't go around demanding what we feel we're entitled to have. We just try to blend. (I always hear Marisa Tomei's voice when I type that. "Oh, yeah. You blend.")

I know we don't blend. But we try to be good.

There is a point here. I promise.

So on Friday our house was swarming with kids. Hannah had 2 friends over to start and then 3 girls from down the street also came down to play. Nathan also had a friend over. I was trying to keep everyone either in the front or the back. When they agreed to all go out front, Nathan and his friend headed out first to play a little basketball. (A family down the street put a basketball goal up in front of our neighbor's house so everyone on the street uses the same goal).

As I was still gathering the girls, Nathan came running in very upset. "Mom! Someone put up a sign and it says that only local children can play basketball there now!"

"Come see it--I can't read it all because it is in French!"

I can't say that I completely doubted that the sign said exactly that--I mean we are the outsiders here and maybe they don't want us perfecting our American basketball skills in their neighborhood! Although, now that I think about it, he can't read French...

This is what I found. What it really means is that there is a party going on and only the local traffic should be driving here.

Our neighbors were setting up for the 3rd annual bbq (also our 3rd) and the sign to redirect traffic had just been placed in front of the basketball goal for the time being. I quickly explained and assured my poor, distressed son that he wasn't being discriminated against.

I have noticed since the end of last year that Nathan is becoming more and more aware of the fact that we are not from here. Last spring we went shopping right after school and at one point he looked down at his school uniform and said that he wished he had time to go home and change. I asked him why and he didn't really give me much of an answer, but it was obvious that he didn't want to draw attention to himself. Were other people staring? I don't know. It happens so often here that I don't even really notice it anymore. Why are they staring? Because we are speaking English? Because we are so obviously not from here that they can't help it? Because people here just stare at everyone? I don't know and the longer we are here the less self-conscious I am. It is very hard to live like that (for me). It has occurred to me that our children are going through their own cultural experience here (even with the bubble of the school and our family) and although I don't wish for the to feel nearly the discomfort (meaning an uncomfortable feeling, not as if we are living a hard life here) that we have experienced at times; I am thankful for the lessons we are all learning about what it feels like to live in a country that isn't "ours". I had hoped that we could reflect back on our experiences here once we repatriate to the US and help our kids understand how others might feel living in outside of their home countries. It appears that Nathan might be old enough to have the memories of his own and develop that empathy first hand.

When he came running in to tell me about the "locals only" sign and I went out to take this photo, I found the whole incident amusing, but after taking the time to sit down and blog about it...I'm going a little deeper. When we "signed up" for this experience, I had no idea what was in store and I've often said that if I'd had a crystal ball, we might not be here, but at times like these I am so thankful for this experience. It is so much more than traveling and sight-seeing. I feel like it really has been a great gift for our family. Glad I didn't have that crystal ball.