The Rat Race

I guess it is just natural to make observations like this after a move like ours, but I'm fairly certain most people (our loving family) who read this will not care about these observations one bit.  Therefore I am including pictures of our little diva whom I found in a sleep mask and tutu when doing tuck-ins last night.  Of course I had to take a picture--didn't even have to worry about the flash waking her up!  And then there's miss Hannah working on the computer...

Anyway, back to my observations as of late...while living in Belgium I never really fell in love with the whole Sundays are just for rest thing.  I might have gone along with people who said they did, but really I never liked that I felt if I wanted to go grocery shopping without my kids that I had to do it on Saturday morning with about a million other people.  I never liked that all of the good stuff was gone by lunch time and that no restocking happened Saturday afternoon because the stores would be closed on Sundays.  I grew up in a small town where at least at one point in my life, most things were closed on Sundays and while I appreciate where I grew up, I fell in love with suburbia and the faster pace, where things are busy and open all of the time.  I honestly love a 24 hour world.  I like the hurry up, rush of our culture most of the time. 

Here's where the observation comes in...today I was going about my business driving my son to school, just as I have for the last 6 weeks, and a woman behind me in the turning lane (to go into the parking lot) beeped her horn at us.  Apparently she felt that I should turn in front of the line of cars approaching even though I really feel that is a decision best left to the driver of the car actually turning--when it comes to driving and keeping myself and my kids safe, I don't really think the hurry up, rush thing applies.  I looked in the rear view mirror and saw her shaking her fists and obviously saying less than flattering things about my decision to wait a few seconds longer to turn.  I said out loud, "Excuse me?" and just kind of muttered some things under my breath about if she was in such a hurry, she should have left earlier, but tried to keep myself in check.  I am trying my best to model the behavior in the car I would rather my children imitate.  They do imitate what they hear.

It really bothered me.  Especially when she angrily drove around me when I did finally turn in because again I wasn't moving fast enough for her.  I did say to my kids that her driving was the reason I am always so strict about the three of them staying next to me in the parking lot.  I have seen too many people running late and rushing to get into the parking lot, seemingly oblivious to the other children who are (surprise, surprise) also coming to school at the same time.  I saw where she parked and when she walked back to her car I made eye contact, but I was in my car again and her face did not show any recognition.  I'm fairly certain she had moved on.  I felt like I needed to say something to clear things up, but of course, I didn't.  I wasn't mad at her or angry about it.  I felt sort of like I'd been stabbed in the back by a fellow mom.  A fellow American mom!

So this morning I kept thinking about her and that I couldn't imagine ever beeping my horn at someone turning into a school parking lot that I was turning into.  I mean, obviously we both have kids there.  Odds are we could see each other again.  As Hannah might say, "AWK-WARD!"  But then I thought, "Why is this bothering me?  I was beeped at hundreds of times in Belgium".  It occurred to me that the reason it bothered me so much is that while living in Belgium, I tended to blame whatever behavior I didn't like on the possibility that the person doing it was Belgian.  I don't know why I did that, but if the person was lacking in what I considered customer service, acting in a way that I considered rude or beeping about my driving, I would just go, "Oh well, you're Belgian, you don't understand me". (Not out loud, of course). 

So in turn I lumped all Americans together as well.  I started to "remember" my country and my people differently.  I forgot about all of the road rage experiences in the US, the poor customer service and rude people (myself included).  I definitely idealized this country in my memory.  Right after we moved back and I was having a frustrating moment related to our lack of Internet and a banking issue, my loving husband called me out on it during my tantrum.  "You expected everything to be cake now that we're back, and its not".  Ouch.

I thought I had become more patient and understanding, but I'm pretty sure that isn't true.  In the back of my mind I was just holding out until we came back here where I could breathe again.  I have let my guard down a lot and I don't feel anxious about going through every day things like I did most of the time there.  I really think this observation has been good for me.  I need to remember that horn beeping is not really about me and the rudish behavior of the lady behind the counter as I was getting my driver's license was not about me, and of course the poorly timed parking lot repair at the apartments was not at all about me.  I think I stopped personalizing things in Belgium which is good.  I tended less to think that it was all about me because it wasn't my world.  I just wanted to get by and blend as best I could without causing any trouble.  It was hard to live like that for long, but I learned that I can live like that and I also learned that it is better for everyone involved (including my blood pressure) if I just remain conscious of that fact that it is not about me.  Just this time, I need to not make it about them either.  I'm not going to go around thinking, "Oh well, you're just (fill-in-the-blank) so that is why you're doing that".  I am going to try to just let it go and move on and realize that there is some reason behind that behavior that has nothing to do with me and most of all try not to let my reason for whatever behavior I feel like exhibiting win out.  That is one thing I've really tried to be aware of as I have learned that no matter what kind of behavior I tell my kids I want them to exhibit, they are so much more likely to imitate what they observe.  It has been so hard having these three little mirrors around the last few years.  Ouch, again. 

So that's it.  Nothing profound really.  I guess this is another one just for me, so hopefully those who actually still check in once in a while, just look at the cute little girls at the top. :0)