Lofty

I said a few days ago that my goals for keeping up with this blog were not lofty.  I think I'm setting a record this week.  I often find myself here when I'm feeling frustrated as a parent or lonely as a wife.  Tonight I'm thankful that I'm not feeling even a little bit frustrated (at this exact moment anyway), but I am lonely.  Time passage is so odd.  How can these last few days solo feel so long, but at the same time it feels so hard to believe that next week is February?  No it really is!  I just made my son another dentist appointment next week so I know for sure.

These last few days have been hardest for the littlest person in our house.  Tomorrow is her last day to be four.  When I told her that tonight she said, "But I'm not going to get any bigger yet though.  I'll still be the same size".  She is just so her own person.  I find myself teasing her at bedtime to stop growing up and asking if she'll just forget about kindergarten next year and hang out with me forever.  Not a chance.  I can tell she's bored even with her three day preschool.  Not so much what she's doing in preschool, but the fact that it is only 3 days.  Then again, there have been mornings just this week (and it is ONLY Tuesday) that have involved screaming and getting dressed.  She's been dressing herself for what seems like forever.  There has been screaming at bedtime lately too, but not tonight.  Even with all of the screaming, I'm feeling nostalgic at bedtime.  After talking about her last day of being four and growing up, etc., I said something about how I can't believe she might be gone all day next year (all day kindergarten is being considered in our area apparently).  She said, "Don't worry.  I'll come home.  I have to sleep here".  She's so matter-of-fact about things.  Hannah swears she'll never move out.  She becomes near tears if we even discuss the fact that some day she'll grow up and go to college.  Sarah?  She quietly considers these conversations.  When asked if she wants to grow up and move out some day she says, "I don't know.  Maybe".  She's keeping her options open.

Sarah doesn't miss much.  She is always listening and almost always has something to say.  I know some day I'll regret how often I laugh at her quick wit.  At the moment, she doesn't always appreciate that we find her amusing.  She'll often get angry that we are laughing at her rather than at what she said.  The facebook post yesterday is an example.  At Nathan's orthodontist appointment I filled out a health history checklist.  After the assistant read the list over, she turned to Nathan (who continues to remain mute in most situations when an adult asks him a direct question) and asked if he is a nail biter.  Nathan wasn't going to answer anyway, as he generally defers to me, but Sarah took care of it for me:  "Yes, he is and do you need to know about nose picking?"  We laughed until she got angry and then I had to go all parental on her.

Sarah is really into writing at the moment.  Here is a list she made today.  I helped her with the spelling of course, but she decided to add "100" at the top to show "how big" her numbers can go.  She loves to say, "When I'm playing, I'm learning".  She's still very good at entertaining herself most of the time, but there are signs that she is looking for more to keep her busy, especially when I'm trying to stay on top of laundry or whatever else. 

Hannah's art work is everywhere.  I really do love it and I try so hard to keep as much as I can, but she is only in the first grade so we have to pace ourselves.

I have a new plan though.  Some of Hannah's loved ones might expect to be getting some mail in the coming days.  She even wrote a note above these that looks like: "mat", but I'm fairly certain it means "mail" considering it is illustrated with a nicely drawn envelope.  Art has been her passion for so long now.  She has decided she would like to be an illustrator some day.  A week or so ago, I was reading her school library book choices to her.  One was called "The Feel Good Book" and the other "The Family Book".  After we read them, she said, "I really like to draw in style of Todd Parr"--(the author of both books) "I like how he uses any color for skin color".  Later, she pointed out to Joe that hardly any white was used in the illustrations at all.  This is her thing. 





I'm going to have to work on remembering that when I go into purging mode.  I think her art is more important to her than I can understand.  She left this note for me after I threw out some very early Valentine's Day cards she made.  Yes, I feel guilty.  I'm mostly proud of how she handled herself.  Very unlike her mother.  She just made another card and this sign.

They finished the castle. Well, I'm almost certain they would continue to fill every bit of it with decoration if I reminded them to do so, but I'm sort of done with the close monitoring it requires. Maybe just no more paint--markers and stickers only.  I'm so mean.

So as I said when I started out, I'm thankful tonight that I'm not even a little bit frustrated or tired or overwhelmed.  I'm so thankful that parenting one on three for a week has gotten so much easier as they've grown. Not frustrated, but it is no coincidence that both of the devotionals I read to the kids tonight were about using words to build up and not to tear down and how words can hurt like a sword.  I need that especially when daddy's gone and my patience gets low.  We all miss him and we're ready for him to come back home and jump right into our crazy full weekend.  Just three more sleeps.