The First Lie

My heart is broken. My sweet baby boy was caught in a lie for the first time tonight. I can't say it is his first lie because Joey has pointed out that he caught him in a few fibs, but he has always come clean for him when pressed. For me, I have never even doubted his word before. I had no reason to. And tonight I feel like such a failure because he is now able to lie. I have had several friends tell me about this day and how heartbreaking it was to have their child lie to them, but I had no idea how awful this would feel. I also have a confession to make...when I heard the other mothers tell me that their children lied, I kind of thought, "Hmmmm...what are you doing wrong?" I just couldn't imagine my sweet little Nathan ever looking right at me and telling a lie. Now that I've seen it, I don't ever want to experience it again. Did I hurt my parents this badly every time I lied? Man do I wish I could take it back. I wish I could give them something to make up for it. My first born? No, just kidding.
I'm trying to see the humor in the situation because I have been literally devastated. I was very upset with my husband when he heard the scenario and laughed. I could not continue the conversation because clearly he did not realize the gravity of our son's first lie. He could be headed for a life of crime now, you know! Okay, so now that I'm a tad more rational, I can at least smile about the whole thing.
I gave the kids their bath early because we have had a long and busy day. Nathan was getting tired and I could tell, but Joey still wasn't home from his business dinner so I wanted to jump in the tub really quickly and then get the kids settled. I was really gross with sweat, sunscreen and bug spray so I just wanted to jump in and out. Before I went upstairs I told them I would be in and out and Nathan said he was thirsty. I gave him some water and told him that was all he could have. I expected to see their little faces within seconds because they always come up when I'm in the tub. Well, it took a little longer than a few seconds, but suddenly Hannah appeared with a green popsicle. She can't open the freezer so I knew Nathan had opened it and I was very upset. I called him several times and he didn't come up. Then I heard the phone ring and I was getting out and heard him coming up the stairs talking to Daddy on the phone. I asked him if he had opened the freezer and he said no. I already knew that was a lie so I told him that and asked again. He was too busy crying that I made him get off the phone to answer, but I asked him repeatedly if he had a popsicle. He kept telling me no. There was something red on his face and he did not have anything red for dinner so I was pretty sure he was lying, but I just couldn't believe that he would lie so I tried to think about what could be on his face...no luck. I gave him another chance when I got him calmed down about the phone thing and told him he would be in much less trouble if he told the truth and he would not cave. When I got downstairs, of course there was a partially eaten red popsicle in the trash. (I almost want to cry just thinking about that moment) I was so upset. Not even really angry. Just so hurt. He really lied.
So the punishment phase began. I usually believe in natural consequences, but for him to just realize that his mom won't trust him as much and he has really hurt me, is a concept a little hard for a 3 1/2 year old to grasp. I did tell him those things because I think it is important that he understand that lies hurt people. So I told him that if he had told the truth his punishment would have been no popsicle the next day even if his sister has one, but because he lied about it, he will have another punishment. I told him that he would have to go straight to bed after Daddy got home and would not have any Father/Son time tonight. He was crushed and he cried and screamed and it broke my heart again. When Daddy did get home he was able to say his goodnights and snuggle a bit, but then it was straight to bed. I had to put him to bed before his baby sister (how could she sleep when she just had a popsicle) and with the sun still up. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. It still hurt me more than it hurt him. He loves his evenings with Daddy.
I hugged him after he fell asleep and whispered that I was sorry our evening had been ruined. I told him I was sorry I had to punish him. (All while he was still sleeping of course.) I cried and just felt like a failure. I know this is something kids do. I lied way more than I care to admit as a child. I don't at all think my parents are at fault for that, but something inside me just feels like I let him down. Maybe I'm just sad that he is growing up and leaving behind that innocence. Being a mom is so much harder than I thought.