We chose Hannah's name during a Bible study. A friend gave us a beautiful cross with her name on it along with the very verse that had inspired us to name her..."for this child I have prayed..." Grace fit perfectly as a middle name and it was the name of Joe's grandmother who has passed. We later learned that the name Hannah means grace and realized we were putting a lot of pressure on this unborn child by naming her Grace twice. Little did we realize that grace would be something we would need a LOT of while going through her twos. A wonderful new friend here said to me this week, "You need to give yourself a lot of grace right now". She is right, but I also need to give Hannah a lot of grace. We are all going through this. It is obvious that it is hard on me because I am alone taking care of the three of them while facing new challenges such as driving in a place that even the average person gets lost--and I who have gotten lost everywhere we have lived am just that much more likely to stay lost. It is obvious that putting 3 children to bed at night is difficult for two people, much less me alone. But it can't be forgotten that the children are going through the same transition and it is hard on them as well. In the last few months, while dealing with all of the overwhelming tasks that have come with this move and adding a third child to the mix, I am sure that Fun Mommy has not made enough appearances. Fun Mommy has returned after a major meltdown this week. Not a toddler meltdown, a mommy meltdown. I reached out to several friends and all of them offered much needed words of comfort and support. God is using so many people to guide me and remind me of what is important and that even though it feels like it at times, I am never alone.
Once again, Nathan has amazed me with his thoughts and the timing in which he shares those thoughts with me. Yesterday, he began a conversation about how he was told by someone in his old school during chapel time that when the person was a little boy, he heard the voice of God calling his name. Nathan wondered if he had once heard the voice of God in our backyard in Michigan. He said he just heard his name called and didn't know who was calling. He also wondered if God could climb up into our open windows and give us a hug and kiss. I love that he brings me back to these thoughts about God and he creates his own lessons each time he begins these conversations. He is so wise beyond his almost 5 years.
With the return of Fun Mommy, Hannah has received much more of this much needed grace. Our last two days have not been without meltdowns and screaming on her end, but they have been so much more pleasant because I am giving both of us the grace we need to get by. It is the least I can do, when God continues to give me grace that I don't deserve.
We were able to visit the house we will rent while we live here yesterday. It is not going to be available for at least 6 more weeks. During that time, we will continue to have to deal with parking either on the street or in a parking lot that is quite a walk from the apartment and with dragging the three children along the sidewalks on the very busy street in front of the apartment. We will have to deal with cramped quarters and making meals in this strange microwave/oven thing. We will have to deal with a lot of inconveniences and a lot of frustrating things, but one thing we have to remember through it all is that it isn't easy and we can only do the best we can--that is our effort at grace.
With Mother's Day coming up, there are a lot of motivational e-mails being passed around. I have read several and have been in tears after each one. We are all very hard on ourselves as moms. We want to do the best for our children and when we feel like we aren't living up to the "best", we beat ourselves up. None of us wants to see our children go through hard times or hurt, but we also realize that these trials happen for a reason. Some how they need to be prepared to handle real life, which isn't perfect or easy.
Hannah is such a sweet and loving child. She is funny and silly at times. One minute she is laughing and playing, the next she is screaming in frustration. Just ask the other diners in Waterloo's Pizza Hut last night how loudly this girl can scream... Hannah is teaching me lessons too. She is teaching me to look at myself. If I look at her and wonder how she can do the things she does, I only need to look at myself and realize that half of her genes are mine. I adore her and am afraid of her at the same time. I was beginning to wonder if God made a mistake by making me Hannah's mother. It feels so unfair that she has to put up with me. But God does know what he is doing, of course. He is teaching me to be less like a frustrated toddler and more like the kind, loving and patient parent I so want to be. Having Hannah is like having a mirror and I need that.
So here we are at the end of week three. We are taking all of these changes in the best stride we can. We are in a constant state of learning and it feels good. We do feel homesick for family and friends, but are thrilled to have found such a loving and welcoming community here. Amazingly this place is looking less foreign and more like home. We are happy to have Daddy back from his travels for a while. We sign our lease today and have plenty to keep us busy this weekend. Several of our banking issues have resolved and the process of buying the second car has almost been completed. We have planned our first trip with the holiday coming up next week and are excited--though also apprehensive about how much work will be involved traveling with these little guys--about going to Disneyland Paris.
Today I'm thankful for my friends and their love and support and most of all the reminder to give back the grace that I constantly receive.
Once again, Nathan has amazed me with his thoughts and the timing in which he shares those thoughts with me. Yesterday, he began a conversation about how he was told by someone in his old school during chapel time that when the person was a little boy, he heard the voice of God calling his name. Nathan wondered if he had once heard the voice of God in our backyard in Michigan. He said he just heard his name called and didn't know who was calling. He also wondered if God could climb up into our open windows and give us a hug and kiss. I love that he brings me back to these thoughts about God and he creates his own lessons each time he begins these conversations. He is so wise beyond his almost 5 years.
With the return of Fun Mommy, Hannah has received much more of this much needed grace. Our last two days have not been without meltdowns and screaming on her end, but they have been so much more pleasant because I am giving both of us the grace we need to get by. It is the least I can do, when God continues to give me grace that I don't deserve.
We were able to visit the house we will rent while we live here yesterday. It is not going to be available for at least 6 more weeks. During that time, we will continue to have to deal with parking either on the street or in a parking lot that is quite a walk from the apartment and with dragging the three children along the sidewalks on the very busy street in front of the apartment. We will have to deal with cramped quarters and making meals in this strange microwave/oven thing. We will have to deal with a lot of inconveniences and a lot of frustrating things, but one thing we have to remember through it all is that it isn't easy and we can only do the best we can--that is our effort at grace.
With Mother's Day coming up, there are a lot of motivational e-mails being passed around. I have read several and have been in tears after each one. We are all very hard on ourselves as moms. We want to do the best for our children and when we feel like we aren't living up to the "best", we beat ourselves up. None of us wants to see our children go through hard times or hurt, but we also realize that these trials happen for a reason. Some how they need to be prepared to handle real life, which isn't perfect or easy.
Hannah is such a sweet and loving child. She is funny and silly at times. One minute she is laughing and playing, the next she is screaming in frustration. Just ask the other diners in Waterloo's Pizza Hut last night how loudly this girl can scream... Hannah is teaching me lessons too. She is teaching me to look at myself. If I look at her and wonder how she can do the things she does, I only need to look at myself and realize that half of her genes are mine. I adore her and am afraid of her at the same time. I was beginning to wonder if God made a mistake by making me Hannah's mother. It feels so unfair that she has to put up with me. But God does know what he is doing, of course. He is teaching me to be less like a frustrated toddler and more like the kind, loving and patient parent I so want to be. Having Hannah is like having a mirror and I need that.
So here we are at the end of week three. We are taking all of these changes in the best stride we can. We are in a constant state of learning and it feels good. We do feel homesick for family and friends, but are thrilled to have found such a loving and welcoming community here. Amazingly this place is looking less foreign and more like home. We are happy to have Daddy back from his travels for a while. We sign our lease today and have plenty to keep us busy this weekend. Several of our banking issues have resolved and the process of buying the second car has almost been completed. We have planned our first trip with the holiday coming up next week and are excited--though also apprehensive about how much work will be involved traveling with these little guys--about going to Disneyland Paris.
Today I'm thankful for my friends and their love and support and most of all the reminder to give back the grace that I constantly receive.
***Some pictures of the house we'll be living in. The work begins Monday and hopefully they will be done by the end of June. Also, some pictures of Sarah and the beautiful Mother's Day gift Nathan made for me at school. He worked very hard forming the clay into a ball, painting the ball and his hand prints and even smiled for his picture--an improvement from the similar gift I got when he was 2 where he put an especially grumpy face on for the picture. He has come home all week covered in paint and all sorts of mess and I asked him the first day what kind of project he was working on. He grinned and whispered in my ear, "It's a secret for Mother's Day. I can't tell you". Today after I praised him for all of his hard work and thanked him, he confessed that the first time his teachers told him they were making "hands for Mommy" he thought the teachers were going to give me his "real hands". All of his teachers speak English, but they are European and there are definitely some phrases that can be confusing to a 4 year old American. I am thinking that the wording they used when explaining the gift was probably a bit different than what he would have heard from his Michigan preschool teacher.***
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