Eight Months Ago...

This Small Person




Looked like this.

I was just lying in my room watching my three little ones sleep and thinking about how fast they have grown. I am a little sad tonight thinking about all of the family and friends who haven't even met Sarah yet. (Some family members haven't met any of our children!) It is so hard to live so far away from everyone we love. Though I don't want to speed time up because it sure seems to go fast enough, December can't get here fast enough.

Sarah is the proud owner of 6 teeth. Just as her siblings before her she has a mouth full of teeth super early. She is pretty much eating what everyone else is eating now and seems to enjoy it. Her second mother, Hannah, takes over feeding her at almost every meal. I'm a little concerned that Sarah is going to take much longer to do things on her own because her big sister is so incredibly efficient at doing everything for her. There is such a difference in the way that Hannah nurtures and cares for Sarah from the way that Nathan just kind of ran by and squeezed Hannah once in a while. I have been putting Sarah on the floor just out of reach of her toys and come to find her quite a while later still sitting in the same spot or nearby with the toy in her hand. No, she has not crawled to get it and then raced back to sit exactly where I left her. Instead, her doting older sister has gotten her whatever toy Mean Mommy placed out of reach. Even if she doesn't have anything in her hand she is perfectly content to sit and watch her older sister playing. She really is the least demanding person I have ever met. Well, except for her father. I must say Sarah is 100 percent Daddy. I am interested to see where I come into the picture in the future.

Today is one of those do over days for me. Daddy has only been gone for one day and I'm already exhausted and my throat hurts from yelling so much this afternoon. Nathan woke up with stomach pain so bad that he was crying and writhing on the floor in pain. He said and I quote, "What is wrong with me?" So of course, he stayed home from school today. He was actually feeling better by the time school started, but rather than take a chance of him rolling around on the floor in pain at school, I thought it better that he spend the day at home. Since he was not really feeling badly, I had to make sure that he didn't have too much fun at home. (My parents would be proud that I enforced their rule from my own childhood...stay home from school, stay home from everything). So we did not leave the house today. Now every once in a while, I really like those kinds of days, but this was not the kind of day I had planned today so I was frustrated that I didn't get certain things done. I had them pick up their messes so many times today that I lost count, hence the yelling this afternoon when I found the mess had magically returned. By dinner time, I was done. I was so sick of the two big kids fighting over every single thing and sick of an exhausted Hannah crying over every single fight, that I was yelling nonsense and all three of them were looking at me like I was from another planet. Those are the moments of motherhood that I want to take back. I wish I could take their little memories and erase the Mommy Psycho moments. Since I can't I had to offer the next best thing, an apology and a nice bed time where we all snuggled in the big bed and read an extra book. Hannah didn't make it through the last book. She fell asleep holding one of her choices, "Dora Loves Boots". Sarah was asleep during the first book. It was one of the phonic books that Nathan was reading and he was having a hard time reading with me holding a nursing, flailing sister while holding the book and pointing at the words for him to read. But she fell asleep before the end and the rest of the evening was calm and peaceful. Now the house is silent and I'm thinking about joining my little ones very soon to put this day to bed. Dare I say that all three of them slept well last night? I'm praying for a repeat of last night and a fresh start in the morning. Bonne nuit.