This Is Your Life

Another week without Daddy survived. The weekend was the toughest part. Most moms who go it alone during the week agree that the weekends are hardest. We are new to having Daddy travel on the weekends, but the kids spent a lot of weekends without Mommy when we were living in Michigan. They miss their Daddy and all of that Daddy time. Nathan is having an especially hard time with his Daddy being gone. I didn't realize just how hard until yesterday.

We had the early soccer game with pictures planned before. He was just as excited as he has been each Saturday and we did really well getting there on time (early in fact) so I was really shocked when he completely fell apart during the team picture. As always, I was very preoccupied with the girls. It is boring for Hannah and she usually is very demanding of my time because she can't have Daddy's full attention. Sarah was very patient as she always is, but it was cold and wet and she got tired and fussy during all of the waiting. I could tell Nathan wasn't enjoying himself, but I thought he was just cold and bored. I kept watching him out of the corner of my eye and knew he wasn't happy, but I had no idea he was on the verge of a meltdown. And melt down he did. I was trying to make him smile for the picture. (He has not been very cooperative for pictures so far this year so I was hoping he would smile for a least the team photo). Well, I only succeeded in making him cry. He lost it and I felt like a complete failure. Someone else was holding one of my crying daughters and everyone was watching me make my son cry right in the middle of the team picture.

I went to try and comfort him and asked him what was wrong. He sobbed, "I WANT DADDY HERE!" It broke my heart. I guess all that time that I was busy trying to keep the girls happy and moving all of our 4 or 5 bags around, he was standing there watching his friends with their dads and feeling more and more sad. I felt like a jerk because I didn't even realize what was wrong. How did I not see that coming?

The blessing about being an expat and being here is that almost every parent there could really relate to what was happening. Almost all of the dads travel at one time or another and the moms are very good about being helpful and supportive when they can. One of the dads picked Nathan up and started talking to him. I heard him telling Nathan that dads don't like to go away and that they feel very sad when they leave their kids behind as well. Everyone made such an effort to help me because one of my children was crying almost the entire morning. It was a miserable morning, wet, cold and raining and we were there entirely too long, but I felt so incompetent and like the biggest mess by the time we left.

In the car on the way home, it was as if nothing had ever happened. Nathan was back to his self talking about the goals his team had scored. Hannah was fine and Sarah fell asleep. I was almost in tears because all I could think about was how I thought we were all doing fine and all of a sudden we had fallen apart.

We got home and had lunch. We had several phone calls and emails from concerned friends. I am so thankful for those who reached out and let us know how much they care. One friend had us over for play time and dinner. It was much needed for myself and the kids. While we were there my friend told me that she was having a hard time because her friend back home is moving. She has been an expat for the last 5 years and said she has considered all of this time just temporary and that her "real life" is back home. She said now she is realizing that things are changing back home and she needs to remember that this time now, is her life. This is a common issue for expats. I can definitely relate. We lived in temporary mode the first few years we were married with all of the moving we did and just when we stopped feeling that way, we moved again.

Because we know we are not here forever, it is hard not to look ahead or behind, but we are doing our best to enjoy our life here and adjust to all of the changes we took on at once. We really do feel we are blessed to be here and realize that it is an amazing opportunity, but as I said to another expat who seemed floored that we have not seen all of Europe in our 5 months here, this is not a 4 year vacation, it is our life.

We woke up this morning to sunshine and were greeted by friendly faces at church. I knew God was speaking to me when the sermon was about walking with God and Colossians 3:4 was read, "Your real life is Christ..."

After the morning of sunshine, friends, God's word and fellowship, we were all recharged. This afternoon we spent more time with friends celebrating their daughter's 1st birthday. It was just what we all needed and I am so thankful for the blessing of friends.

Pictures from the weekend. Hannah was closing her eyes on purpose in the pictures I took of them before church this morning and if she had her eyes open Nathan or Sarah were doing something weird...this was the best I could get. The birthday girl is Miss Adelynn. We celebrated her birthday today. She actually turned 1 on September 26th. The Mommies are from left to right: Sheri, Erin, Janet, Me with Avery, Adelynn and Sarah. Sheri has a 9 and 7 year old. Erin also has a 4 and 2 year old and Janet also has a 10 and 6 year old. Avery is exactly 1 month older than Sarah. All 3 baby girls celebrate their birthdays on the 26th...Avery in December and Sarah in January. We plan to get good use out of the pink 1st birthday decorations these next few months.