Management Position

Little Sarah in her crib wearing the outfit Nathan picked out for her--blue. Hannah picked the identical one in pink. Yes, we are perpetuating stereotypes in our home.

I can still remember before Nathan was born, washing all of those itty bitty, little clothes, folding them, organizing his little room. I remember smiling to myself and thinking about how much fun it was to fold those tiny, blue clothes and to put them away into tiny, little drawers and hang them on tiny, little hangers. It was quiet and I had plenty of time (relatively speaking). Ahhhh. Serenity.

Then after folding and washing little blue clothes for around two years, I was so excited to fold and organize little, tiny pink clothes. So many outfits, just one baby girl. It was fun all over again. I had the added novelty of folding tiny little Wiggles underpants. I remember thinking, "Oh, how cute are these?" (I even went through this a third time. I remember taking out boxes of tiny boy and girl clothes we had saved, washing, oxycleaning, folding and organizing for our latest little one. It didn't matter as much to me if she wore blue or pink. It was just fun going through all of the tiny clothes and remembering when the first two had been that tiny).

I remember buying toys and bringing them home to a house devoid of toys. I remember picking up those few toys each and every day. I remember organizing those toys each and every day. I remember the toys that accumulated after the first, first birthday and the neighbors dropping off more toys. I remember that it slowly became less fun and less novel.

Recently a mom friend and I were talking about kids and life when she said to me that she never knew that being a mom was so much about moving around and dealing with "stuff". She feels like all she is, is a "mover of stuff". I know exactly what she means. Nothing describes my life better. However, I prefer "manager" of stuff.

I find myself constantly moving stuff from one place to another. I pick up some item of clothing and set off to the stairs to return it to its rightful place. All the while muttering (and sometimes loudly muttering) about how no one knows how to put anything away and I am always doing everything. While upstairs returning the item, I generally notice something amiss-- i.e. that half of the books have been stacked on top of the bookshelves rather than placed back on the shelf in an orderly fashion. So I begin putting the books back on the shelves. About this time one, two or all of the children are right next to me asking me to read. I try to read and shelve at the same time and finally realize it is futile to reshelve while the children are present.

Sometimes I notice that a book or two needs to be repaired so I bring them downstairs along with the clothes that don't fit anymore that I either need to give away (if they are Sarah's or Nathan's) or put away (if they are Hannah's).

Once in a while (especially after a play date when it seems every single toy comes out of the toy boxes) I go through and "reorganize" the toys. I throw out junky or broken toys. I move girl toys back to the girls' room and move boy toys back to the boy's room. If the children are right on top of me, this process is a complete failure and if they are not right on top of me, I know in the back of my mind that the reason they are quiet is because they are creating a mess in another part of the house that I will have to sort out later.

I am constantly organizing and reorganizing stuff. Toys, clothes, shoes, papers, food, dishes, snacks, drinks, sippy cups, diapers, wipes, crumbs, more toys, more clothes, more shoes, more papers...(And because there is no school right now, I'm not even mentioning lunches, jackets, extra clothes, school bags, gym shoes, uniforms....--well, I am mentioning them, but only in parentheses). (And for the record, I don't really organize crumbs, but you know what I mean...)

I move upstairs stuff, upstairs and downstairs stuff, downstairs. I know I am not alone. I was just at a friend's house the other day trying to pick up the resultant damage after we moms enjoyed a little too much freedom from kids and she said, "Don't worry about it, half of that stuff belongs upstairs." I know what she meant. When you leave, I'm going to put everything where it really goes, not just put it every which way like the kids and people who aren't me will do.

I realized the other evening when I was compulsively organizing and cleaning our house, that sometimes it is the only control that I have. I was feeling especially out of control with Nathan's eye not getting better and without realizing it, I was controlling what I could, sort of. I know I can't really control the mess from moment to moment and from day to day, but when I can't do anything else, I can organize and it takes my mind off of whatever it is I want to take it off of.

Most days it makes me feel better to have everything picked up and put away after the kids are asleep (even though I have picked it up or forced them to pick it up 600 times during the day while they were awake). The kids (especially Hannah) really like to help clean up. Today, they all "helped" me put the laundry away. (We try to do as much laundry as possible and put it all away the day before Daddy comes home and makes his laundry deposit.) Because of all of the help, it took twice as long and I had to pull a couple of things out of the bathroom trashcan (Sarah). As any manager will tell you, delegation is so very important. That along with a very competent staff. Hmmmmm...maybe manager is not the right title after all.