She's A Heart Breaker

Not the good kind. (After re-reading this, is there a good kind? It made more sense earlier...) Yesterday was heartbreaking for me as a mom. I'm feeling very self-conscious about the number of posts I've made regarding trials and tribulations with our middle child. Good thing I don't use the "tag" feature or else I would have to delete this post immediately from the guilt.

We are in week three of school. Generally, things are going well. Very busy, but well. I've added the at times colossal commitment of being Home Room Mom for Hannah's class and let go of the always colossal commitment of Den Mom for Nathan. The balance of activities for the kids is feeling okay so far. The number of play dates feels incredibly out of hand and limitations in that area have begun. I don't chat with many friends who have kids with ages close to ours back home so I don't know if all kids are scheduling play dates so often that a calendar has to be consulted in order to make the dates work, or if it is something unique to our close-knit community here. It has been overwhelming to me since we arrived here and I always find myself kind of swept away in it at the beginning of the school year until I am forced to slam on the brakes due to obvious over-extension of our kids. When I chat with other moms here, I get both sides. Some find it stressful and challenging and others find it normal and part of life.

This brings me to the heart breaker from yesterday. In the chaos of these first three weeks of school, I've learned from some of the other moms in Hannah's class that occasionally one of the 5 little girls who have been together since last year, is feeling left out of the group. Hannah has not mentioned this to me and has seemed generally happy at school and at home. In fact, things at home have been going wonderfully due in large part to the extra effort we've been making to do things just with Hannah and to ensure that she gets the positive attention she's craving. It has only taken us 4 1/2 years to figure this out, but it seems our daughter craves a very different type and amount of attention from us and has not been getting it. We feel like we're doing better. However, yesterday I was called into the classroom by her teacher for "a word". Her teacher wanted to make sure that I was aware that there are issues in the classroom and on the playground with these five little girls. Apparently one of them is continually being left out and our daughter is one of the ones teaming up with another little girl to always leave the other child out. I was a little taken aback by the "meeting" yesterday so I don't feel like I have a good grasp on what exactly is going on and after trying to get more details from our 4 1/2 year old, I'm still not getting it. I chatted with the teacher for a little bit, all the while watching Hannah out the window sitting on the playground with the one little girl who is usually left out sharing her popcorn.

I have a history of over-reacting when told about or witnessing less than good behavior from my children and yesterday was no different. Though I've never seen the movie "Mean Girls", I kept imagining that my daughter and these other four little girls were spending their preschool days re-enacting scenes from it. Her teacher never indicated that this behavior in malicious, but the part that hurt the most was when I mentioned play dates the girls had had and how well they'd done. Her teacher said that they don't have to be best friends or go to each other's houses every week, but they do have to be kind to one another. That was what broke my heart.

Our Hannah is so sweet and loving and kind most of the time. Her teacher knows that and I know that, but to hear that she is already having moments when she is "moody" and "unkind" in preschool, was just sad to me. I think as a mom I wish I could keep her from ever having to go through the pain and hurt that comes with building friendships and relationships in life. Yesterday was a clear reminder that I can't. My heart breaks as well for the little girl who was by herself on the playground today when I stopped by after volunteering at the library just to observe for a minute. She was all by herself. The entire preschool was outside and our Hannah and the other three girls were "sharing turns" on the swings as Hannah told me. No one was being mean and at the time I came upon them, Hannah was off to herself a little bit, but still with the group. I was at a loss as to whether there was some way for me to intervene at that moment and I didn't. She wanted to give me a quick hug goodbye and I reminded her to be sweet.

Yesterday I'm sure I thoroughly confused her as I went from "good cop" to "bad cop" to someone in between. In case everyone hasn't figured it out by now, I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to stuff like this. I talked with a few other moms yesterday and today and got very good (though often conflicting) advice. What it seems to come down to, is we are all just figuring out a way to make things work for our kids and it was just reassuring to hear (again) that I'm not alone.

After an evening of Bunco with the girls sharing parenting thoughts, some great conversation with my husband and some prayer last night, I'm feeling much more at peace with everything. We've got to focus on getting our family organized and ready to go to Hong Kong in one week from today. The Home Room Mom role is taking a lot of organization right now and I'm trying to focus on getting everything planned at least until we are back

Fall has arrived and along with the cooler mornings and nights, the petri dish of kids in school has already brought back the constant need for tissue boxes in our house. Sarah is fighting the worst of it and I'm praying that she will fight off whatever it is she's fighting off before we leave next week. With Daddy gone until the night before we leave, I am planning on laying low from anything other than the planned activities and events we can't avoid. Kids' social lives will have to take a backseat to rest and trip preparation for a while. They'll survive.

For now, I'll take all of the prayers I can get for Hannah and her little friends. They are all just the sweetest little girls and so far from the catty, icky teenage girl behavior I was envisioning yesterday. At least, by the time Little Miss number 2 is going through this, we'll have some frame of reference. I'm sure I'll still have no idea what I'm doing, but does anybody?!?!?