Lost in Emotion

Wow.  I am fairly certain I've used the phrase "emotional roller coaster" in regards to living here as expats.  Can I just say I had no idea how emotional and roller coasteresque it could be?  I know a lot of the emotions I'm seeing in our kids (especially the older two) are directly proportional to the emotions they are seeing in myself and their dad, but some times when I take a step back and really listen to what they are saying and look at how they are acting--in relation to what I must assume they are feeling, it overwhelms me.
We have officially begun our time of transition.  Our container was loaded yesterday after the two full days of packing.  Considering the fact that we mostly just sat around and watched 3-5 Belgian movers pack and load our stuff for three days, I was surprisingly exhausted and drained by yesterday evening.  My head was pounding all day long.  We've been blessed with great friends helping us entertain our kids and us the last few days and evenings.  Without them these past few days would have been incredibly more challenging.
Both cars have been sold and handed off after quite a challenging process of inspections and repairs that I'm quite certain my husband wishes never to repeat.  The house is being thoroughly cleaned by people who know what the landlords like as we get ready to go through the official inspection this coming Thursday.  Everything we own and want to keep is en route to Antwerp and then will go on to Michigan by air or sea.  Everything we own and don't want to keep is scattered around at our rented house waiting to be taken to the dump or here at the apartment waiting to be handed off to someone else.  Tomorrow our Daddy will leave bright and early for Michigan to actually see the house we plan to buy and he has two loaded bags to get some of what we have and need/want (but not for the next two weeks) to our new home.
We have a long transition period ahead of us.  This time I think it will be harder than the last.  The kids are older and definitely more emotional about all of the changes.  They aren't exactly verbalizing what they are feeling, but it comes out in behavior changes.  The constant togetherness is wearing on all of us.  Sharing such a tiny space in the car and in our temporary apartment is challenging.  Even when the moment feels light hearted, there is always the underlying stress of so much going on in such a short amount of time.  This is hard.  On all of us.
The kids are in bed, but not asleep.  They've been up late almost every night for over a week.  I'm learning that I've minimized the effects of all of this on our first born.  He's acting the most out of character at the moment. He's constantly making cards to say "goodbye" to so many.  He's been with at least one friend every day since school was out last week.  He had to hand off his turtle to the next family, just as he was handed off to us.  He couldn't sleep in his room after Dribble went to live with his friend because he said he couldn't sleep-- "I'm used to hearing him splashing around".  The first night without Dribble I could tell he was on the verge of tears, but he tried so hard not to cry.  He never really did cry about that (me telling him it was okay to cry about it did not really seem to help).  Instead the tears have come at random moments when he was angry with his dad or his sister about something.  He's really having trouble figuring out how to manage all of these emotions. 
The girls aren't struggling in exactly the same ways.  Hannah doesn't really get that when we say "goodbye" that we are not going to just be back to visit any old time.  We drove around taking pictures of things in Waterloo today and to her it just did not seem to make much sense. 
Sarah will tell anyone who will listen that her stuff is "all packed up and going to Michigan".  Does she really understand that?  Probably not, but she knows all of the words.  Her need for constant verbal expression is a bit challenging to those of us who feel like we have exposed nerves at the moment.  By the end of the day she seems to have not only reached her word quota, but that for every person in the family.  Exhausting!
So, even on the final descent of the emotional roller coaster of this expat journey, it doesn't seem to feel any less crazy and scary than it did in the beginning.  On move number 7 in a little under 10 years, we've definitely figured out how to move.  We're much more organized this time than we've ever been before, but the emotions are still there and those aren't really things we can put down on a list or pack away in a box. 

Although part of the stress of moving should be relieved by finding "the" house, but in our case (having never really seen it) the upcoming inspection and waiting to sort out the school thing for Nathan are weighing heavy on us.  We're excited and anxious/nervous at the same time.  We know God has a plan for us and we know we'll be okay even should this house not be "the" one for one reason or another, but we still feel a little anxious about it.  We're people like that.

Here are a few more pictures of "the" house...we have been taking some pictures of the kids and some of what is going on here, but just haven't gotten around to putting those on the computer.

Here's one we have thanks to my husband and his blackberry...we didn't take a single picture of the packing and the boxes this time.  He just happened to get this one of the truck before it drove away... 'Bye stuff, see you on the other side!  (We're a little unsure about what we'll see on the other side since we brought 1 1/2 containers over and only 1 container is going back.  We did manage to clean out a lot of stuff while we were here, but Joe said the last thing they loaded--our king sized mattress--may never be the same).