I've noticed that she second guesses herself with numbers. She's made such improvement in her reading and writing, and I have felt for a while that mostly she just doesn't have a lot of confidence in her math. I also just don't know what to do. So often, when I "work with" her, it doesn't end well.
So tonight I'm feeling a bunch of things. Not many are good. Frustrated. Like I let her down. Confused. And the worst one? Embarrassed. How did my ego get involved?
There are only four weeks left. I guess that explains the crash course I tried to put my six year old through this afternoon. She actually handled it well. I worked so hard on building her confidence, but quickly realized how often I tear it down. We didn't fight about numbers or school, but we had a big fight. The frustration from the day came out in that fight. Probably a little on both sides. Apologies all around. Is this just what parenting is? Can't I ever just get it right the first time?
We counted some more with dominoes and then they built a tower with them. She read two books to me tonight and listened to a chapter of her book and the new one we started for Nathan.
Now they are in bed and I'm up thinking about what I wish I would have done.
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So I was driving the girls home from swim lessons on Monday. You know, the lessons I leave work early for even though I am just as swamped at work as Brad is. I know, I know, I am very blessed to have a flexible work schedule, but when the girls, on the way home from lessons (and McD's) say, "Mama, is daddy going to be home when we get home?" after I'm nagging them about only wanting McD's for the toys and nagging them to stop fighting and telling them in advance tonight is bath night and I want no complaining, I paused. And thought too how I must sound to them. Sigh. We do our best and because we reflect on it, it means we are good moms and we try (not always successfully) to do better the next time. So keep your head up, you are AWESOME and very very loved. PS - are those shoulder pads? :)
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