The last few weeks have been rough for me as a mom. I'm feeling like more of a nag than usual. I feel like I am constantly reminding someone to do something. I've been feeling unappreciated and I haven't been exactly shy about telling those I live with just exactly how I feel. Much too much screaming. Much too much ugly.
This week I'm solo. I should be handling it better than I am because I haven't been solo as much lately. The adjustment from solo to shared to solo to shared is really much harder than it seems like it should be. We get used to not having him around (as bad as that sounds) and when he's back, we all struggle to adjust. Then we get used to having him around and we all have to adjust again when he leaves. When I'm on my own, my inner control freak shines. When he's home, my inner control freak tries to shine, but the freak part becomes way more apparent.
I feel like I'm always the bad guy and it sucks. We both laughed (me until I cried) when Claire on Modern Family said, "You can't have two fun parents! Two fun parents is a carnival!" Apparently we are not the only ones.
I keep having the urge to call my parents as ask how they did this so well. I feel like I fail every single day. Today is no exception. Fail. They are so forgiving, these kids.
Today after I handed out yet another punishment, they all disappeared into the basement. They asked me not to come down there because they were making me something special for "you know, Mother's Day". I haven't seen it yet, but from their excitement I'm assuming it is something good and not the kid equivalent to a lump of coal.
I know some day they will understand how hard it is to always be the one who has to say "no" and to see the disappointment in little faces that breaks hearts. The girls move from tantrums to smiles and my son moves from a pout to a hug and a shrug that says he understands even if he doesn't like it.
They are good kids. I do tell them that, but I wish it was how I could spend most of my time as a mom. Unfortunately, it seems that the discipline part has to come first.
For now, I'm drained and I'm going to bed. We'll start fresh tomorrow.
2 comments:
Quote from Julia tonight while in the bathtub... "I don't want you to be frustrated with me (as tears run down her face) because I want to snuggle."
You are not the only one. My tone is way too short sometimes and then I too feel guitly. Hang in there! Love you!
You are not the only one. Its not fair not being able to be the fun parent simply because things need to be done. They are happy children and you are an excellent mom. These struggles are very common in my house too. Sending hugs your way!
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