Four years ago time stood still in a Plano hospital room for a new little family. I can still remember how surreal it was to look at the squished up face of our newborn son. It was as if everyone else in the room disappeared for a while and it was just my husband, our new baby and me. It is hard to believe four years have passed since that night.
Nathan is such a big boy now. To me the change from three years to four years is huge. He has become such a rational person. I am amazed at the difference in him this year. He inspires me and I am so impressed by his innocence and the awe with which he looks at this world.
Lately Nathan has expressed an interest in Jesus' return to the world. He started asking questions about when Jesus is coming back during Vacation Bible School this summer. He has only expressed fear of His return a couple of times. Those times were probably because of the responses I gave to his questions more than his actual fear of Jesus coming back. Mostly he asks, "What time is Jesus coming back?" and "Is He coming to Michigan or Texas?"
All of these questions have caused me to look at my own faith and that is something I really need right now. I am just amazed at how matter-of-factly Nathan asks about Jesus return. I tend to not want to think about it and the other night I had a reality check when we laid down to go to sleep. Nathan was saying good night to God and he said "Good night, God. I love you. What time are you coming back, Jesus?" I immediately felt a shiver as I thought about how calmly he could ask Jesus the question that I avoided wondering about myself.
This has not been the only time recently that Nathan's faith has blown me away. Sunday we had Nathan's 4th birthday party at our house. It was so much fun and the weather couldn't have been more beautiful. We planned the party a month ago and had included on the invitation that the guests bring water guns and swim suits. We realized that there was a chance the weather might not be warm enough for getting wet when we wrote the invitations, but as the date got closer, we were more concerned that it would rain. We told Nathan to pray that God give us water gun weather for his birthday party, but we made sure he knew that God had to do what was best for the world so even if we didn't have water gun weather, we would have a fun party in our basement.
A few days before the party we were checking the forecast online and talking about how it might rain, but it might just be cloudy. Nathan confidently said he had prayed that God keep the weather nice for his birthday party and he was sure God would do it. I caught myself wincing. I was so afraid he was going to be disappointed. Then I wondered to myself, why am I so doubtful. When did I lose that amazing trust and faith that children have? Why am I doubtful and cynical?
I am excited that my son has gotten me questioning myself and my faith and taken me back to thinking about God's word. Pieces of scripture keep running through my head and I had to look up one of the verses that I couldn't get out of my head.
Matthew 3:18 And he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven".
I think God is speaking to me through my son. Over this last year, I have stopped opening my Bible and stopped praying as much and talking to God as often as I used to. I have started to search out God again and I am so thrilled that my son is leading me back to Him.
At church on Sunday I read through the baptismal reading and I was reminded of the vows we took when Nathan was baptized. We promised to teach him about God and take him to church and keep in him in Christian fellowship until he is old enough to choose those things for himself.
I did not realize when we made that commitment, how keeping all of those promises would actually teach me more about God than I have ever known. I am so thankful to God for allowing me to spend the last four years with such an amazing person. I am truly blessed to know him share my life with him. I look forward to what he has to teach me in the years to come and pray that we can continue on this spiritual journey together. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!
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