We had a four and half year old in preschool three afternoons a week and a two year old at home with me all week. I had a job and a husband who was in town most of the time and on weekends did almost all of the parenting on his own while I worked and slept. We were getting ready to move to a country I had never even really thought about prior to learning we were moving there. We were expecting a baby girl any day with no real plan for what to do with the other two kids when that any day arrived. That is just a glimpse. There are so many more details that don't come to mind four years later.
And for a glimpse into now? Here's one.
Last week after a three day weekend and a very strange "snow day" in which the forecast was worse than the reality, we had a change in basketball practice. We had missed the week before with the unexpected visit from Aunt Daphne and I knew it was important to Nathan, so we all loaded up after dinner and went to the elementary school at least 15 minutes away for an hour practice beginning at 7 PM. Not ideal. Sarah cried most of the hour. I did my best to entertain her. I even looked up the lyrics to "The Farmer in the Dell" to sing with her. She was happy while entertained for the most part, but she was tired and it didn't take much to set her off. At the very end of practice, the boys were shooting free throws and I saw Nathan almost make 2 and then swish the last one. I was standing up with all of our stuff ready to go (it was after 8) holding Sarah and reading to her from a poster on the wall behind us in between glances at my son shooting free throws.
As soon as the coach dismissed the boys, I insisted that Nathan get dressed so that we could leave. He sadly watched as his friends without little sisters at practice continued to shoot baskets and begged to stay longer. I was firm and he started changing. He whined a little more about getting a drink from the water fountain, but at that point I needed to get that girl home and in bed and water could wait. Then he said, "Mom, did you see me make that free throw". I told him that I had.
He said, "Oh. Because when I looked at you, you were looking at the wall".
I said, "Well, Nathan I was reading a poster to Sarah at the same time I was watching you, but I did see you swish it in".
He brightened a little and said that he believed me since he hadn't mentioned that he "swished it".
We were on the way home at this point and I explained that I know it is frustrating that both Daddy and I miss things sometimes because we are busy with the other kids or with work, the house or each other, but that we can't both see everything and we are always sorry when we miss something, but really appreciate what we do see. (It sounded better than that. At least I hope it did.)
Hannah had the next question. "Mom, did you know you were going to have three kids?"
(Crickets)
Of course I answered her. I think I over explain things to our kids a lot of times. I can tell when their eyes start to glaze over that I've gone too far.
I also retold this story to my husband when he got back from his trip and we actually had some time to sit and catch up (in between an overnight visit from his parents with an early drop off at the airport, an early Saturday morning ballet class at the same time as an early Saturday morning basketball game, and a pretty low key Dora the Explorer birthday party). It is hard to tell him things like that. It is hard to tell him that the kids are disappointed at times that they just have me around most of the time and that I can only do so much. He works so hard and when he is home, he is 100% home. It both frustrates me and makes me sad that sometimes our kids seem to feel like it isn't enough.
Four years ago neither one of us had any idea how drastically our lives were going to change with that first move or how different they would be when we finally came back. We were still living in the preschool/toddler/newborn world, we had started four years before that and we were comfortable there. We are just beginning to experience the busyness of school aged kids and that part is challenging, but when I look back over the last four years, I honestly do feel like we've come to a resting point. I feel like for most of the last four years I've been holding on with both hands. With my eyes closed. Just hoping to come out on the other side. Even though I've been told countless times that I will miss this and that it goes by too fast, I have been too exhausted and emotionally drained to do more than wish for peace and quiet and less parental dependence. I have said more than once, "I know, I know 'Cat's in the Cradle' and all that, but I AM TIRED!"
Our bedtime routine used to leave the kids and me in tears more times than not.
Tonight my son took a shower on his own and his hair actually smelled clean and not like either a wet dog or like a layer of shampoo was still in it. The girls took a bath while playing well together and without fighting. I still have to help them wash their hair, but there were no tears when I rinsed and they all put on their own pajamas and brushed their own teeth. I was able to read to each one of them individually and sit and talk with each one about the day. It isn't always like that, but it is now like that more often than the screaming, crying headache inducing mess it was so often during the Belgium years.
So why, then on the night before our baby turns four, does it seem like the last four years have gone by so fast? The other day I caught myself telling someone that we "just moved back" before it occurred to me that we have been back almost nine months. I guess we didn't "just move back" anymore. Today we were given the information on registration for Sarah's preschool for the fall and it occurred to me that this will be the last time our family registers for preschool. Even with the cazillion drop offs and pick ups I've already done this school year, that made me sad. I feel like if these four years (which have been so hard and draining at times) can go by so quickly, then the next four can too and then the next four...
Lately I've found it easier to just be with the girls when they want to snuggle on the couch and I've found myself sitting for longer than I meant to talking with Nathan about his day. We are finally at a point where they are able to handle long and busy days without all of us collapsing at the end of it in tears. Of course, there are exceptions, but I'm so thankful that the good nights outnumber the rough ones.
I'm thankful for this time that they are 8, 6 and 4. I remember walking through Sears four years ago after having Sarah's newborn pictures made when a woman stopped me and asked me their ages and then told me she remembered those days when hers were "four, two and new". I loved that. I wanted to take it all in at that moment and just love that time. I think I did. At least as much as I could while in the process of changing pretty much every single thing we could possibly change in our lives at once.
It has been a wild ride and it continues.
2 comments:
I love this! Just last night we all sat down and somehow started watching videos on the computer. We watched videos of Julia while I was preggers with Caroline and then when they first met!
It does fly by but maybe unlike your 4yo mine is still is in the whining crying stage.
I love this too Nicci! You are such good writer. Have you considered converting your blogs into books for your children to read when they are older? Its been on my to do list for three years of blogging :)
Keep it up sister - you are a true rock star mom!
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